An Update On Men

Operation Mandark approaches. I keep going through scenarios in my head over how to approach him and what to say. I'm putting far too much thought into this. Yesterday I was debating over whether I should sit to his right or his left and if that would make a difference. I don't even know him! What if he ends up being mean? What if he's a serial killer? What if he's MARRIED. I keep forgetting I'm at an age now where my peers are settling down, and I don't really know how old Mandark is. Does he wear a ring? Have I ever seen a ring on him? I know he wears a wrist watch. Ok self. Don't get freaked out. Remember that the point of this is to be social and even if nothing comes of it be happy that you talked to someone new...

Please don't let Mandark be married Lord.

In other news, I guess the guy I wanted to just be friends with didn't feel the same. He asked me if I was feeling better once some time had passed after we talked about me wanting to not be in a relationship with him. I was offended that he felt there was something wrong with me since I was doing my best to have an honest conversation with him. But instead of lashing out I sent him another message to reiterate that I didn't want to flirt with him and he's seemed to have dropped off the face of the Earth. It's what I wanted, but at the same time it's a little disappointing because I really did want to stay friends. Oh well. The world is full of people, and I hadn't become emotionally invested in him yet anyways. Plus if he doesn't want to talk to me without the goal of getting in my pants then he's truly a waste of my time. I am worth more than the sum of my lady parts!

Men Are Infuriating and Intriguing and I Hate Them, but I Want One.

I was going to write some obligatory 'Welcome to my blog of new beginnings' post to get things started, but forget that noise because I have no patience for introductions right now.

So.

Men, right? I meet one, and holy balls he's actually into me and he appears charming and intelligent. This is fantastic, yeah? Wrong. He ends up being a decade ahead of me in life, and several states away from me on every day but the one I met him on, and he just so happens to be quite clingy. It's emotionally draining trying to cater to his incessant need to call/text me every day. So I tell him we should just be friends since he seems to want to talk about dating me and clearly he likes me too much too soon. I write him a nice clear little message about the magic of friendship and how I could never commit to liking him because of age/location/the crazy he's emitting...But he is persistent about trying to seduce me. Why can't we be friends?  I told him I'm not experienced in relationships but I'm comfortable staying friends. So we continue talking and he says he's harmless and I'm nervous about sex. No one mentioned sex. Why did he mention sex? Oh my God is he thinking about the possibility of me having sex with him?
No.
No. No no no.
Stop that.
So here I am and he's still not really grasping that he makes me uncomfortable, but I have a hard time telling people to go away forever. That's rude. I want  to ignore him so he'll give up on me and gradually drop out of existence. That's rude too, but it feels a little nicer.

I just want a guy who's nearer to my age and lives close and isn't a bundle of crazy.
Which leads me to my current target; Mandark.

Mandark isn't his real name, although that would be pretty kick ass and I think I could live with it if we started getting serious. Ok, that's a lie. I would love it. I'm pretty certain his name is something more like John or Gary though. He just looks like a Mandark. He has glasses, and this kind of a bowl-cut, and it's doing something to me. It's not a look I usually go for but it works on him. I'm ridiculously scared to ask him his real name but I've made a pledge to do so. I sit next to him every class because no one else does and that makes me want to bother him. He's being a real trooper so far. He always stares straight ahead as if looking at me might cause him to explode but he doesn't try to change seats. Next week I'm going to learn his true identity if it kills me. I've got this.